Five years ago today was a very happy day for my family. It had been a difficult labor for Kelli and we were unhappy with the substitute doctor called in to deliver holiday weekend babies. But when the moment came, the birth was beautiful and amazing, unlike with our previous two sons. That was early in the morning and we had the rest of the day to enjoy our son. Of course, we didn’t know that it was a special day. Timothy lived for 35 days, but it was only his first day that we could hold him without a variety of tubes connected to him.
There are of course a lot of difficult thoughts and emotions in a time like that, but one that I kept thinking of was what his life would have been like. His four siblings are all different and no doubt he too would have had a unique mix of personality traits. What would he have looked like? More like his mom or dad? What would have been his favorite things to do? How would he have related to his older brothers and younger sisters? Questions like these are quite normal I think for anyone who loses someone young in age. But they come again to mind today, when we would have celebrated Timothy’s fifth birthday.
We do not doubt God, who sometimes gives 80 years and sometimes gives 35 days. “When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:15-16).
Luke (8), Mark (6), Bethany (4), Katie (2)
Wow. It’s been 5 years…
Everyone has their own time and way of living through grief…I want to thank you for sharing your grief AND your joy along the way…some of the things you have said through the years regarding Timothy’s death have been powerful life lessons that have been indelibly etched into my perspective on life…the life that God gives. So, I again mourn and rejoice with you and see God’s goodness and soveriegnty with you and through you.
Todd,
I have often thanked God that I was part of the first semester that you were back in Israel the following year. So much of the thoughts and wisdom concerning suffering that you shared with us that semester come back to me often. We had the awesome learning experiences that IBEX always holds, as well as your example of living out the lessons that you were learning through such a difficult time. When I think of the lessons that I learned in Israel, my first thought is always of suffering, the wilderness, and God’s sufficiency for us there. Thank you for being open and honest with us and giving us the opportunity to learn with you!
Todd, thanks for sharing your thoughts about a day like this, the joys, the sorrows, how to look to God. What an encouragement. If you have any cheat sheets on suffering well, I’d be interested!
Todd,
Praise God for sustaining your family and empowering you and Kelli to bless Him and not curse Him. Thank you for sharing this. We love you.
Thanks to all for their comments. Julie – we’re waiting for you to come up with the suffering cheatsheet! I’ve just added you to my links on the side, with hopes that you keep blogging! Two book suggestions (not cheatsheets) for suffering: The Hidden Smile of God, by John Piper, and The Mute Christian under the Smarting Rod, by Thomas Brooks:
printed: http://www.lulu.com/content/412198
or
online: http://www.gracegems.org/Brooks/mute_christian.htm
I read The Hidden Smile during Timothy’s short life and put a few choice quotes here:
http://www.bibleplaces.com/bolen/hiddensmile.htm